You were this close to getting elbowed or receiving a nasty look from me this morning. But, lucky for you, I decided to restrain myself because the situation wasn't as bad as others I've been in and I was feeling generous this morning. However, I did not appreciate your chubby arms rubbing against me a few times along our ride. There was simply no need for it. You had ample room to sit comfortably in your seat, especially since I didn't even take up all of my seat! Instead, you chose to sit with your elbows out and your legs spread apart so that your elbows brushed against me a few times, before I smushed myself all the way to the other side of the seat so as to avoid touching you, and your legs almost touched mine. I don't like it when strangers touch me and I doubt most other riders do either, so please take note and don't do it again.

Sincerely,
Subway Gal

Song of the moment: "Don't Stand so Close to Me" by the Police. No explanation needed.

The only thought on my mind since watching last night's episode of "Family Guy" has been Stewie's version of "Car" by Gary Numan that he sings to Brian. I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

"Brian had sex, with a really dumb girl, now he's taking his friend Stewie, to get some ice cream, in his car."

All you "Family Guy" fans out there know what I'm talking about and are probably laughing right now too. And if you aren't a "Family Guy" fan, then WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? It's a great show and I highly recommend you start watching. Oh, and if Seth MacFarlane is reading this, I AM WILLING AND AVAILABLE TO DO A GUEST VOICE ON YOUR SHOW. I sound just like Lois, without even trying! I could play her cousin or something like that. Think about it. Have your people call my people. I actually don't have people, so just call me directly. I'll leave you all now with another one of my favorite "Family Guy" rants.

Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie. P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever. P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.

One thing I hate most, especially on the early morning commute to work, is the obnoxious sound of an Emergency Exit being pushed open in a subway station. You know the sound, it's like a fire engine alarm blaring inside your ear. And the sound continues to blare even after the door is closed. Not pleasant. This morning, someone had to be obnoxious and open the door. This young man couldn't wait one freakin minute like the rest of us waiting patiently to pile out of the 23rd/Broadway station because he had to push through the line and out the Emergency Exit door. Now, I understand that sometimes this is necessary, like if you have a baby stroller, or a particularly large scratching post for your spoiled kitties, and need to go through the Emergency Exit because it won't fit through the turnstile. However, that was not the case with this man. He was simply impatient. And no one followed his lead! We all continued to wait out turn to get out of the station. I find it hard to believe that he was in so much of a hurry that he needed to get out of the subway station one minute faster than the rest of us. If that was the case he should have left his home earlier this morning.

Song of the moment: "Break the Ice" by Britney Spears. I know, I know, it's Britney Spears, but the song is catchy. Really. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I like it.

After a nice, hot, day at the beach on Long Island, my boyfriend and I were on the subway heading back to our apartment when I glance to the right and see a bum in the next car pull out a cigarette and light it up! In the moving subway! At first my boyfriend and I thought it may have been a joint, which would have been pretty funny and still sad, but it was definitely a cigarette. Then, thankfully, he decided to spare the air of his fellow rider and smoked the rest of his fag in between our subway cars. Could he have not waited until he got outside? Or perhaps he shouldn't have gotten on the subway until after he was done smoking. I mean how bad of an addiction must you have to need to smoke in between subway stops because the craving is so strong. Sad. Cigarettes suck.

Song of the moment: "Misery Business" by Paramore. I just saw a story on Perez about the lead singer (http://perezhilton.com/2008-06-08-so-lame) so now I can't get the song out of my head, but that's ok because the song is AWESOME! It's a "what goes around comes back around" story and that is my favorite kind, because I'm spiteful ;) This is another one that I lip sync in front of my mirror pretending that I have musical talent.

If, knock on wood, I were ever to find myself homeless, I would turn to my family, or friends, or some type of shelter. However, I understand that not everyone has these options and I'm not really hating on the homeless, but WHY must they use the subway cars to sleep and take up 2-3 seats when doing so?! During RUSH HOUR!!! Subway cars are crowded enough in the mornings or in the evenings and it really pisses me off when I see a homeless person sleeping on 2-3 seats. No one is going to tap him/her on the shoulder and say, "Excuse me sir, but I would like sit here." And this is because no one wants to sit on those seats after they have seen a homeless person sprawled out across them. Don't we have some type of MTA security or NYPD who can patrol the cars and prevent this from happening? Think of the poor old people who need a seat, or the pregnant people, or the young women in stilettos. They all need to sit more than that homeless person needs a nap. And don't get all on me for being a hater because you know you are thinking the same thing!


Song of the moment: "What I've Done" by Linkin Park because my boyfriend watches Transformers about 15x/week and this song plays at the end of the movie and it is always stuck in my head! The song is pretty good, but the problem is that I only know two lines of the song - "I'll face myself/To cross out all I've become." But that's ok because by the time I've reached the end of that second line, my mind starts to drift to Josh Duhamel's face and that's always nice because Josh is hot and I've known him before "Las Vegas" and "Transformers" fame. I knew him when he was Leo Dupree, Greenlee's husband, on "All My Children." We go way back.

ATTN All Subway Riders walking through the subway station with your head down in a book or with your eyes closed while singing out loud to whatever is playing on your ipod. YOU SUCK!

Do you have any idea how many people I have had to plow down just to make it from one end of the platform to the next? It's ridiculous. When walking through a subway station, be alert and focus! The stations are crowded and if you are in my way I WILL knock you down.

Thank you :)

Song of the moment: "No Air" by Chris Brown and Jordin Sparks. Yes, this song is not exactly new but it is fantastic and really catchy! Whenever it comes on the radio I like to lip synch and pretend that it's me singing along with Chris Brown. Problem is I'm not a teenager anymore and I can't sing to save my life. Oh well, a girl can dream.

Tomorrow is a very special day . . . it's my birthday!!! Thank you, thank you.

In celebration of my birthday I am going to give you all a special treat. Another mace story! Enjoy.

Back in the day (about two years ago) before I met my boyfriend, Thursday and Friday nights were my favorite happy hour nights. They were my time to really shine! So, after one particularly fun (I think I had fun) night at the bar with my friends (don't ask me which ones because I can't remember), I was intoxicated and riding the subway on my way home when I spotted what appeared to be a suspicious man. So, doing what any rational drunk would do, I whipped out my mace and held it in my hand pointed at this man. Now, this man seemed unfazed, but the poor girl sitting next to him looked at me in alarm and crouched in her seat. So, to reassure her, I snapped something like, "Don't worry, this isn't about you. This is because the guy next to you keeps giving me weird looks!" Shortly thereafter I fell asleep. Now, at this point, if I was another passenger witnessing this scene, I would have grabbed my mace, my purse and ran. Thankfully, not everyone is as mean as me. I woke up at the subway's last stop in Jamaica still pointing my mace at no one. I left the subway mumbling something nonsensical and throwing nasty looks in everyone's direction who even glanced my way. It was getting pretty late and I was still drunk, so I went outside in search of a cab, but to no avail. I eventually got back on the subway and, miraculously, made my way safely home. This story is one of the reasons my boyfriend doesn't let me ride the subway home alone after drinking.