Imagine my horror when I happened to look up from the book I was reading this morning on the subway and discovered a very tall, kinda young (early 20s) girl standing by the door wearing a very tight, bright, lime-green shirt that just covered the flabby belly that was hanging over the waistline of the too-tight jeans. Unfortunately, the fabric wasn't spandexy (yes, I know that's not a real word) enough to cover the love handles pouring out from the sides of the shirt. All of this was topped off by a short, fuschia jacket that just covered below this girl's boobs. A bright-yellow belt was complimented by bright-yellow earrings and the entire ensemble was completed by silver ballet flats.

Now, I'm all for being creative and daring to set a new fashion trend, but no. Just no. This outfit was in no way shape or form a good idea. Especially so early in the morning.

Re: the picture - it's one of the first things that came up when I typed in "hot mess" into google images and I really liked it.

The polls are closed and the verdict is!! . . . predictably, the majority of you think I'm sick in the head for considering licking a subway poll made of candy. Though I'm glad that some of you were brave enough to admit that you would consider if it you were drunk.

NEW POLL!!!

That's right, there's a new poll in the hizouse, so ch-ch-ch-check it ouuuuuuut!

Okay, so I guess I've been kinda lazy this week, considering I haven't posted anything new since Monday, and allllllllllll (10-15) of you loyal readers must be dying for some new material. Well, I don't have any, which is why I thought I would blog about this article I saw on Newsday's Web site today.

Apparently, the MTA installed computer screens at one Brooklyn subway station showing where the next trains are on the L line. Then, if this new technology works, more screens may be installed in other stations along the L line. How nice for the L line! But WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER LINES?!?! Why does the L get all the love while the rest of the lines suffer?

I had always heard the the L train was the worst, but then I had to ride it one day this past summer and discovered that it is actually the best. The exact reasons why escape me now because, well, it's been a few months and, stuff . . . but I do remember being really impressed and awestruck. I'm glad that efforts have been made to improve the L train, but ENOUGH ALREADY! We get it, MTA. The L train is awesome, and it's obviously your favorite, but it would be nice if some of these fancy improvements were made on other lines like the R and the V that could use some serious help.

I'm just sayin . . .

This morning, after I got out of the subway and was headed to my office, I was offered an environmentally-friendly tote bag from a young girl. Instead of saying, "thanks!" and walking away, I paused for a moment and looked at the girl quizzically, and then looked down at the bag she was offering, and then back at the girl. Sensing my confusion, she explained that "it's just a bag." So I smiled, took the bag, muttered "thank you" and walked away. And indeed it was just a bag. In fact, it was a free bag from Lucky magazine, advertising its "Ultimate Shopping Party."

I could always use an extra tote bag to help save the word, so why was I so skeptical of accepting this small gift from this seemingly non-threatening young girl? I'll tell you why. It's because we, as New Yorkers, are skeptical of "free" gifts. We are so used to trying to dodge those people throwing fliers and coupons at us every day and being offer "free" samples that really aren't free, that we don't know how to react when we are offered something that is useful, and actually free.

Or, maybe it's not all New Yorkers who act this way and maybe it's just me being sleepy and paranoid on a Monday morning.

So, I'm sitting here at 10:30 on Saturday night watching "Ugly Betty" on my DVR (because I'm super-cool like that) and I'm starting to wonder about Ugly Betty and why she always looks . . . the same. I mean, having worked at a fashion magazine for a few seasons, you would think she would have picked up some tips by now and started to dress better, and get a fashionable haircut, and wax her eyebrows, and get some contacts. But no. She stays exactly the same. I mean, look at Anne Hathaway in "The Devil Wears Prada." She went from a chunky, dumpy, college grad to a sexy, glamorous magazine assistant. I'm just sayin . . .

And what about her job? Ugly Betty is supposed to be the assistant to the editor of a huge fashion magazine and yet, I don't think I've ever seen her do any work.

And finally, let's give some credit to Judith Light. That woman, I think, just gets better with age. Seriously, who would have thought that Angela from, "Who's the Boss" would ever go on to get another job when that show ended? And now look at her! She's on a hit show and has made recurring guest appearances on such awesome shows as "Law and Order: SVU." I salute you, Judith Light. I hope one day to age as gracefully as you.

BREAKING NEWS! Well, actually it's not exactly breaking because I heard a bout it hours ago, and the news doesn't really warrant a breaking news bulletin, but whatever. Remember when I blogged
about how James Van der Beek was a has-been but was set to do some upcoming movies? Well, today I learned from Perez that he is also joining the cast of the shiteous "One Tree Hill." Remember when I blogged about my conflicted feelings on that show because it was so terribly unrealistic, yet I continued to watch it out of a misplaced sense of loyalty?

Anyway, this is a recipe for disaster. A D-list actor joining a sinking ship of a show? For poor "OTH," this is the equivalent of getting a pink slip.

By the way, am I still the only one out there even still watching "OTH"??

Ok, I know you're thinking, what the hell does a Madonna video have to do with you hating Tuesdays? Well, it actually has nothing to do with it, but I'm kinda obsessed with this song since I saw Madonna in concert this past weekend (yes, that's right. MADONNA. IN CONCERT. Be jealous) and she put on a great performance to this song. Well, she put on a great performance the whole show! But I digress . . .

So, you might be thinking, Why hate Tuesdays? Why not Mondays? Everyone hates Mondays. Yes, Mondays are awful. But that's a given. Everyone expects Mondays to be awful days. Anyway, Tuesdays are just a long, and, usually for me because I'm overly dramatic, stressful and upsetting day. Today was one of those days. It seemed like I was drowning in work and I got myself all upset for nothing because when I really looked at it, it wasn't all that bad. Then, on my way to the gym, I got on a subway with no seats. I take the local R home and there is always a seat when I get on at 49th. The only two free seats on the subway car this evening were covered in water. How this happened is beyond me. How do only two seats get wet? And why are there no signs of a flood? And why aren't there any paper towel dispensers on the subway?!

Once at the gym, I had the unfortunate experience of hopping on the only free eliptical machine next to a girl on her cell phone. I hate this. Like, I really hate this. You are at the gym. To work out. Go home and talk on the phone. I get that some people are insecure when they are alone in public. Hell, during my silly college days I once talked to my boyfriend-at-the-time while I was eating in a Burger King because I was way too self-conscious to be seen eating alone. But this is a gym. Most people are alone. In fact, it's ok to be alone. We know you have friends and you are popular and stuff, so you don't need to prove it by talking on the phone while you are working out. But, despite the nasty looks I kept throwing this girl's way, she chattered on. Fed up, I hopped off my eliptical to check the sign hanging on the mirror and sure enough, it said that cell phone use was prohibited. So, I said something along the lines of, "Excuse me, but the sign says cell phone use is prohibited in this area and it's really annoying." She looked at me in shock, probably not believing I was being that girl, and mumbled something to her friend on the other line, which I'm assuming was something along the lines of, "Some skinny bitch next to me is complaining about my cell phone use. I'll call you when she leaves." I know that may have been obnoxious of me to say something to her, but I had no headphones on and I wanted to relax and listen to the music playing in the gym. I pay way too much money to be a member of my gym and I expect to be able to have an enjoyable workout.

Anyway, the rest of the day ended nicely because when I went upstairs to my abs class, this nice guy in my class who talked to me once before, sparked up another conversation with me. I was really happy about this because I was afraid I had offended him the last time we spoke and he said he loves taking the spin class before our abs class, and I told him that I always wanted to try spinning, but since my old coworker used to swear by it and she was always fat, I wasn't convinced the class worked.

And finally, as a reward for making it to the end the long-ass day (I didn't get home until almost 9:30 p.m.!), I was rewarded with my fave, chicken quesidillas, for dinner :)

And that is why I hate Tuesdays. What's your least favorite day of the week?

Okay, I get it. No one really liked my last poll because no one really knew, or cared who Lisa Bonet was. I apologize and I'll try not to let a sh*tty poll like that happen again. Anyway, I've posted a new poll so let's let bygones be bygones and try it again. I think you'll find this poll more to your liking.

Happy Friday, everyone!!! We've finally made it to the end of the week with our sanity, hopefully, still intact. Congratulations.

I would like to dedicate today's post to the people who help me start my day off on a good note. Coffee cart workers.

I don't know about you, but in the morning I want a large cup of regular coffee that costs $1.25, as opposed to a desert-like coffee drink from Starbucks that costs $4, and after my initial hesitancy to buy coffee from a mobile cart in the middle of the sidewalk, I now only buy my morning coffee from coffee carts. In fact, when I left my last job, I was most upset about that I wouldn't be able to say goodbye to my coffee cart guy (because I was laid off one day and never went back), and to this day I still feel bad about leaving him without so much as a goodbye . . .

Anyway, there is one middle-aged couple who serves me my coffee every morning on the corner of 6th Ave. and 52nd St., that I particularly enjoy. We have history you see, because when I first worked at my current company about a year ago (I left, went to two other firms and then came back) they used to serve me my coffee and when I came back, they still remembered me! It was like greeting a distant relative you haven't seen in awhile. What's great about them is that they are super-friendly and the wife often compliments me, usually on how thin I am, which of course, always makes me smile because with me, flattery gets you everywhere. Anyway, what I really love about this couple is that they have my order down pat! My coffee is already done and waiting for me by the time I get to the front of the line, and you really can't beat service like that.

So, today, take a minute and thank your favorite coffee cart worker for his/her great service. And, if you don't utilized the services of a coffee cart, I highly suggest you find one today. You won't be disappointed.

As some of you know through experience, the worst seats on the subway are the ones next to the door. You know, the one with the bar shielding you from the flock of people entering or exiting the train. The bar that people, annoying people, like to lean on. I usually try to avoid this seat, but for some really crazy reason, I chose this seat on the subway this morning, although there were plenty others to choose from. I thoughtI'd be adventurous and give it another try. Big mistake. I immediately regretted my decision when what I assume was a teenager (I refuse to look up and make eye contact with people sitting or standing next to me on the subway) leaned against the bar with his elbows out so that I had the pleasure of one right next to my head. It was uncomfortably too close for my liking and I kept waiting to get elbowed in the head and have to cause a great big scene when I cried out in exaggerated pain. So, to avoid this situation, I kept playing with my hair, hoping my movement would deter him, but it did not. Finally, I put rested my arm on the bar so that he would have to move. It worked! But then my arm got tired and I moved it, and the annoying teenager moved back into position. I was relieved when he got off the subway, but that was short-lived when another guy took his place. And this guy had a backpack. These are the worst kinds of people because they treat their backpacks as if they are parts of their body - like a hump on their back that has every right to be there invading your personal space. Had it been later in the day when I was more awake and alert, I probably would have taken out my keys and started poking Backpack boy, but I controlled myself and kept quite. Kudos to me.

Thanks to everyone for taking my latest poll. It's good to know that most of you have ever been so hard up for cash that you had to resort to begging for it on the subway. However, for the one person who actually begs for cash once a month, please tell us about it. Did you make a lot of money? Did you use it to pay rent, or buy smack?

Anyway, I've just posted a new poll, so please check it out! It's actually quite random, but take it anyway, please.

So, as you all remember because you read my blog religiously, I mentioned that I was going to Irish Fest in Long Beach, LI Saturday. I did. I also mentioned that I was probably going to be wasted and may or may not get into some fights. I did not. Here's what happened . . .

The train ride to Long Beach was painful. Thankfully, I had a hilarious book to distract me from the recent college grads sitting near us drinking from a paper bag (classy!) and getting increasily louder by the gulp. They were discussing things like how hungover they are from the night before when they puked all over their boyfriend's car. And they were saying things like, "When I was in college I wanted to either do PR in LA or work in an orphanage in Africa." I guessed that they lived in Murray Hill. Or the Upper East Side. But probably Murray Hill. You get the point. They were stupid. And drunk. A bad combination.

Next was the cab ride over to our friends' house. My boyfriend and I were crammed in a taxi van with me riding shotgun and him in the back. After we were all in, I pulled down the passenger-side mirror to make sure there wasn't anything embarrasing going on like some hairs out of place or lipstick on my teeth, when the cabdriver snapped, "Hey! Did I say you could use that!?" I stared, my mouth apage, and as I was deciding whether to spit in his face or apologize, he burst out laughing and then the rest of the passengers, clearly afraid by this mentaly unstable man, began laughing too. He was a comedian. Lucky us. He then proceeded to challenge every other cab driver he was stopped next to at a stop light, to a drag race in an effort, no doubt, to impress us. I was not impressed. And I don't think the old woman in the back remarking that she hoped our driver would be able to get us to our destination safely, was either.

Anyway, we got to our friends' house in one piece and were informed the party was across the street, so we chilled in some of their neighbors' apartments where I had a fascinating conversation with a guy who recently threw one of his tenants down a few flights of stairs resulting in over 100 stitches, and told me about the time he stabbed a man seven times in the back. I know, it doesn't sound charming, but I actually enjoyed talking to this man. I think it was his constant smile and his pretty baby blues.

I only had one beer when we all decided to check out the festival. All right!! Who doesn't love being drunk and eating greasy food while shopping for things like tee-shirts and silk flowers and homemade magnets that you definitely don't need but buy anyway? Especially if you're drunk! Well, imagine my disappointment when I discovered that laws were put into place prohibiting people from drinking in festivals. What the f*ck kind of stupid law is that? Probably some drunk guys (I'm assuming they were men) got too drunk one year, did some stupid sh*t and ruined it for all of us. What's worse is that all the beer was gone by the time we got back to the apartments. And on top of that, Auburn lost. And, on top of that, Taco Bell was closed by the time we got back home.

We've made it!! It's finally Friday. WOO HOO!!

Tomorrow is Irish Fest on Long Beach, LI and I will be in attendance. During Irish Fests and St. Patrick's Day, everyone goes out partying, claiming to have some Irish in them. Well, not me! I'm certainly not Irish, but I like to think I can drink like them. The reason I'm telling you this is because it's almost inevitable (sorry, boyfriend) that tomorrow is going to be filled with some type of drama because me + alcohol = embarrassment for me and laughter/pity from others. Given the last time I went out (last Friday) I threw my drink, and my friend's (sorry Jen!) , at a pompous troll man who wasn't even from NY (he had the nerve to throw one back at me!), I can only imagine what tomorrow will hold. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and tomorrow will be fun. Only time will tell . . .

Have a great weekend and stay tuned for stories on my drunken antics!
- SG