Every Tuesday evening I attend my fave abs class at my gym. Before my class is a cardio dance class. The teacher (who also teaches my abs class) is an amaaaaaaaazing dancer. Like I mean really good. I used to be a dancer, cheerleader and gymnast and I couldn't keep up with her routines. I tried on three separate occasions. I actually stopped even attempting to take the class because I was so embarrassed with myself and my poor performance. Annnnnnnyway, if I get to my abs class early, which I did today, I watch the end of the dance class and I noticed that all the participants in today's class (the regulars) were really good. They had the routine down and they were all pretty good dancers. Except for one hot mess.

This one woman is particularly awful. I actually noticed her in last week's class and thought that it must have been her first time taking the class and once she realized how awful she really is, she won't come back. But she did. And, I think she got even worse!

Before I tell you about this woman's awful dancing, let me paint a picture for you so you know what you're dealing with. . .
Age: 40-55
Body Type: Tall and flabby with a big ole fat stomach
Outfit: black SPANDEX leggings and a short, black tee shirt that did not, I repeat, did not cover her big ole fat stomach AT ALL when she lifted her arms.

I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she doesn't own any mirrors; and is partially blind; and has no husband, kids or close friends, or maybe just mean friends, because no one who likes you would let you leave the house looking like that. Now on to the dancing, or, lack thereof . . .

Bottom line, this chick did not know the routine at all. Yes, the class is tough, but if all the other participants could do it, then you should be able to as well. But what made her dancing attempts even worse was that I think she thought she knew the dance because she was flailing her arms around and spinning in the wrong direction and flexing her toes instead of pointing them and bending her arms when they should be straight. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. She was just awful! I wanted to laugh, but it just made me so angry instead. "WHY are you being like this?!," I wanted to scream in her face as I grabbed both her shoulders and shook her. But instead I just watched in horror with my mouth open, forming a small o as if saying, "noooooooooooo."

Anyway, Crazy Lady, if you're reading this. Dancing is not for you. Stop coming to this class and find a new hobby before I have you arrested for public indecency.

Song of the moment: Obviously, "She's a Maniac" from Flashdance, which leads me to the reasoning behind the picture. I typed Flashdance into Google Images, fully intending to use a photo of that chick in the movie doing her crazy dances in her leg warmers, but, I saw this picture and just couldn't resist. I mean, come on. Can you blame me? It's great. Words can't even describe.